Although some marriages are unsalvageable, there are others that, with the right kind of thinking and the right actions, might be okay in the end. So how it is possible to avoid divorce, assuming that’s the right thing for you to do?
The first thing is to accept that no one is perfect. That includes you. There may be things about your spouse that you don’t like, that irritate you, that make you want to scream, but guess what? Your spouse feels the same way about you! You are both annoying to one another at times, you both have bad habits, you are both imperfect. But two imperfect people, can, if they acknowledge those imperfections, have a happy marriage.
Blame can be a serious problem in marriage, and one that starts small but that escalates into one spouse blaming the other for everything that goes wrong (even if it isn’t their fault). If we are miserable, we blame the other person. If we are unfulfilled, it’s the husband or wife that is causing that. And so on. It would be better if we could adjust how we see the relationship and our lives, rather than constantly blaming someone for something that either isn’t anything to do with them, or that can be fairly easily fixed.
Remember that we ask a lot of our partners. Not only do they become our best friends, but they also become our nurses, confidants, carers, chauffeurs, financial advisors, sounding boards, muses, lovers… and so much more. So yes, sometimes juggling all of those balls means something will be forgotten. Something will be missed. You’ll do it too. Don’t get too angry about it. Pick up the balls and get on with love.
Finally, relationships change. People we thought we had a lot in common with at the start end up liking different things, new things, things we don’t understand. That doesn’t mean you’re no longer supposed to stay married. It just means that you are two people doing things that make you happy and, hopefully, coming home to someone who you can have a conversation with about those wildly different things.
If you need to discuss any aspect of family law, please get in touch.